For some reason tonight, while I was struggling to stay upright on a training ride, I learned something about me and racing my bike:
If I can't race to rip someone's legs off, make them suffer, then I don't want to do it. I want to ride so hard that if someone is going to beat me, they're going to really have to work for it.
And right now, the only way I'm going to do that is by entering the wheelchair division for the 80-plus grandma race.
I did not feel it today at all, one day after the Greenbush race. Legs were tired, brain rubbery, felt light-headed.
And struggling up little hills, struggling to ride made me realize why I get frustrated by not being able to race the way I want to. There's no point in just going in circles with a bunch of other dudes dressed in our team kits.
Racing is about suffering and who has trained the hardest, who is willing to go deepest to pull out a win. Right now, I'm not even hanging on. I know I need to restart somewhere. But that is the essential issue.
So I'll keep training so that by Superweek maybe I'll be able to do some leg-ripping in the master 4/5s. And that will be good.